I’m not saying I thought life would be easy once my baby was born, but sometimes I wonder how it ever got so difficult. Am I doing something wrong? Should I be living life differently? How do these other mums seem to be on top of things all of the time? Well, I guess the first thing I need to stop doing is comparing myself to everyone else. What I am seeing in everyone else is what they’re choosing to show me, which is not always the reality. They may look like they have their shit together, but underneath it all they could be a crumbling mess like me. Hey, we’re all human.
THE BODY | I’ve never been the most confident person, but giving birth wasn’t exactly kind to my body. I have stretch marks in places I didn’t even realise had expanded and my stomach resembles that of an over-worked piece of dough. It’s hard to think that this is me now. I mean, of course I can exercise and tone it up slightly. But in reality, this is my body now. This defines me. Or at least that’s how it feels. I’m always so caught up on how I look and how others perceive me that I really do feel like my hideous body is going to make a difference to how people look at me now. Does my partner now think I’m as disgusting as I feel? Can he really love this? They’re the questions that continually float around my head. Tormenting me. Making me feel worthless.
I’m slowly accepting this as the norm now. That this body made my beautiful little boy. It kept him safe for those nine wonderful months and it allowed him to enter this world safely and most importantly healthily too. And that’s what I have to think about. When all those worries come over me, I need to sit back and realise all the good that come from it. This is honestly a picture I never thought I’d have the confidence to pick my phone up and take let alone publish for the big bad world to see, but the last few days I’ve realised that life is for living and I need to enjoy these precious moments with my son and my partner before it’s all a distant memory. After all this mama has well and truly earned her stripes.
MAM LIFE | How can it possibly be so exhausting simply just being a mam? Every single daily task I did before Archie was born now seems at least 10 times harder. I’ve never been the most tidy person, but seriously? When did it get so hard to multitask carrying a baby and doing some hoovering? Maybe this will get easier as time goes on? And seriously, leaving the house is like a military operation. Bottles, check. Nappies, check. Change of clothes, check. Poo bags, check. Baby, oh yea, check!
TIREDNESS | I know what it feels like to be tired. I’ve pulled many an all-nighter in a bid to finish work while studying my degree but this is another level of tiredness. I need Carrie Bradshaw’s shopping skills to hold up the bags underneath my eyes. My veins no longer pump blood around my body but are sending litres of energy drink to my vital organs that need to work to get us through the day. I have developed a love of strong coffee and now feel lost when I don’t get my morning fix of caffeine.
But despite all of this, being a mother is the most rewarding job. Those smiles suddenly make the tiredness disappear. Your little one isn’t looking at all of your lumps and bumps and judging you. They see the most amazing person and love you more than you could imagine. And that right there is why I love my new job.