So I was recently having lunch with a friend (yea you can be a lady who lunches while on maternity leave) who doesn’t have any children and it suddenly dawned on me that I’d become ‘that’ mum. One of those annoying mums that only ever talks about their child and can’t hold a conversation if it doesn’t involve talking about the amount of sick or poo they’ve had to deal with on only a couple of hours sleep. Yea, you know the sort I’m talking about.
But when did I become that mum? In fact, what did I talk about pre-baby or even pre-pregnancy? Have I really always been this boring? Surely not? Or maybe I have…
Either way I have no idea what to talk about. Besides changing nappies, burping babies and cleaning bottles, I literally do nothing else, so what would I even talk about? Anything notably exciting that doesn’t involve my baby or my partner happened so long ago now it almost feels like it didn’t even happen. So maybe this is me now.
I look at myself in the mirror and all I see staring back at me is a mum. The messy hair (that probably hasn’t been washed in a few days), the sick/poo/some weird stain spilled down the front of my top, the bags under my eyes, the rolls of fat, the stretch marks. It’s all just ‘mumsy’.
I mean, I was by no means pretty or perfect beforehand. My hair was still messy and my body had certainly seen better days. But I felt like I had an identity. I was a 20-something, care-free (well that’s a lie given that I have to pay bills, but still, you get my point), uni graduate who’d landed her dream job, dream man and I had a mountain of opportunities I could have grabbed at any moment.
Today I’m sat on the edge of my bed in front of two large wardrobe mirrors. My little boy is laid beside me, fast asleep and looking so peaceful. I turn and look back into the mirror and I no longer see the fashion-conscious young woman that once stared back at me.
I have responsibilities. This little human laid beside me, relies on me. He needs me. And you know something? That beats anything else I could have ever been given in life. This is my job now. This is me now. And I’m happy about that. More than happy in fact. My life actually has more purpose now than it ever did.
A shameless selfie after I spent hours getting ready and going out for the first time after becoming a mum to prove that despite everything, I am still me.