I’ve always known I wanted to be a mother, but being pregnant I was never 100% sure of. I guess you don’t know exactly how you’re going to feel about it until you’re in that situation. I hoped I would love it. I hoped I’d have that glow that everyone talks about. And in the end, I loved it a million times more than I imagined.
Everything about being pregnant is amazing. I saw myself and my body in a whole new light. I began to have such a different outlook on life and I suddenly had more confidence than ever in my abilities. I was growing a human being. Something was moving inside of me and it was amazing.
Every kick I felt was more spectacular than the last and as they got stronger, so did my love for this tiny human inside of me. Knowing that my body was capable of creating life is an indescribable feeling.
When your baby is inside of you, your body is doing everything it can to protect them. Your body is designed to know what he needs at that moment in time and it just does it. No hesitations.
Now that they’re here in the big wide world, it’s hard to know exactly what they need or want. You second guess your instincts and you question your ability to raise this child in the best way possible.
I would sit and fantasise for hours about the perfect birth and those precious first moments being so idilic. I’d dream of my full face of make up being unscathed and I’d be photo-ready the second you entered the world. Of course that didn’t happen and I feel guilty for that. I feel sadness towards the fact that in those final few hours my own body robbed me of the chance to spend those first moments with you in anything other than a perfect situation.
There’s no greater feeling than looking at your baby and watching them develop their identity, but I will always miss that fluttering feeling in my tummy. Knowing you were listening to me, anticipating the moment we would meet as much as I was.