It’s fair to say I’m not the most confident girl in the world, nor have I ever been, but there’s something about the way your body changes during pregnancy that makes you super sensitive (admittedly a little crazy at times too), and very insecure about the way you look. Chris is the most wonderful, caring, amazing partner I could have wished for, but that doesn’t mean my insecurities don’t sometimes get in the way of things. I don’t mean to let them bother me, but it feels like there’s this constant battle going on inside my head between realising I’m just being silly and hormonal, and the self doubt that I may simply not be good enough anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I think pregnancy is the most beautiful thing in the world and I can’t wait to watch my body grow and bloom as the baby develops, but I worry constantly about how I’m going to look after birth. At 22, I’m still a fairly young mum-to-be, so sometimes I just put it down to an age thing. My generation is so obsessed with the way they look that maybe my body confidence (or lack of it) is simply down to an age difference between Chris and I – and possibly why he finds it so hard to see why I feel this way.
I’m told that I am loved and that I’m beautiful every single day, but yet I still find it hard to accept this as fact. I must be driving Chris crazy with the constant need for reassurance but it’s hard not to need this to get me through the day. The sad truth is that I can’t just put this down to the pregnancy, I have always been this way. But since becoming pregnant I have most certainly seen an increase in both my emotions and my insecurities.
As our pregnancy progresses, I’ve had so many people ask me about names, and because Chris and I aren’t married, what will baby’s surname be. To be honest, I think this has a lot to do with why I’m feeling so insecure. I want to be a family unit more than anything and by not sharing the same surname as the love of my life and our baby, I’m feeling a little detached from the family we’re about to create. I’m scared of becoming nothing to him once the baby arrives.
Although it’s tough, I’m trying hard not to let things get to me, trying to push through the pain and see how good my life is. I have everything I could want and more and in all honestly I’m tired of that being clouded by my insecurities. Time to see the situation for what it is. I have a wonderful, caring boyfriend and a beautiful baby on the way. Could life get any better?
Have you felt any insecurities during pregnancy? How did you get through them?